Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Do you ever feel like a total jerk?
So for those of you that don't know. Cam has been doing a Dental Externship in Minnesota with the Indian Health Service for 2 weeks. He will be back on Saturday which will be nice. It has taken a toll on all of us having him gone. Grant has said many times that he misses Cam and can't wait until he gets home. Claire has had a hard time understanding what is really going on. Today for the first time she said she misses dad, and tonight as I tucked them into bed she asked to have dad come in and give her a hug and a kiss when he got home. I felt so bad that I had to say he wouldn't be home until Saturday! Claire is pretty moody most of the time, but more so since Cam has been gone. While she was laying there in bed tonight she said "when we get up in the morning can we do something together?" I said -yes we are going to the park, I know that is not what she wanted to hear. She is the typical middle child who gets pushed around because she is the middle. Grant demands attention in his own way and Brig gets attention becuase he is the youngest and needs help. Claire it seems only gets my attention when I am mad at her or she is bugging Brig. She always wants to play but there is always something "to do" instead. I was watching American Idol tonight and David Cook sang a song about not wanting to close his eyes so the moment would last- or something like that. And that is when it hit me. I started to cry and felt like such a JERK!!! Poor Claire is always wanting my attention and I am never giving it to her in a postive way!! I turned the TV off and laid with her in her bed for a little bit while she slept. I am going to try to be a better mom and be more in tune to what she needs. She dosen't want to go to the park-she wants to be with ME! I am not the kind of mom to sit down and play with my kids, but I guess I need to learn! Thanks for reading my vent-it's nice to get it out!!!! P.S. if anyone comes to see me and you notice my house has gone to pot-it's just because I am trying to be a better mom-not the maid:)
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Cuyahoga Valley Hike
Grant and Claire
Grant and Claire at "Ice Box" Cave
How does your garden grow?
The sign next to Brig reads, "Smell This Plant"....maybe later.
3 Amigos
They look innocent...
Pump It!
Brig was having a ball with the water spout
Water Girl
Claire at the Botanical Garden
Yuck!
This is why 1 year olds aren't allowed in the kitchen. They would make nasty hot dog and peanut butter sandwiches and eat them!
Botanical Gardens
Grant and Claire in Madagascar Biome.
Claire's Birthday
Claire's B-day was May 27th but it was freezing cold. We did it in a park but everyone was bundled b/c the wind was blowing so much. Needless to say it was a short party, and the ice cream didn't melt.
Princess Claire
A dress up she got for her birthday.
Mommy Claire
Claire has a great imagination. She will make anything into play stuff. shel loves to be the mom. In this pic. she pulled up her stroller and was reading her baby a book. The different color rings on the stroller are boy and girl rings. The ones on the left are girls and the ones on the left are boys. Claire gets really into her books. Cam said yesterday sometimes he can't tell if she is just reading/pretending or if she is really crying! She is her own person for sure.
After the Egg Hunt
Enjoying the spoils after the Easter egg hunt. Brig will shake and egg and if there is something in it he will give it to us to open. He's a smart cookie with a sweet tooth!
Lawnmowing in March
We were pulling out our kids table from the shed outside for Easter dinner with our friends and Claire saw the mowers and had to pull them out!
Storm of '08
What a snow storm it was! Probably 1.5-2 feet deep in some spots, deeper in others
Variations on Winter
We got a suit for Claire at Old Navy and as all girls are, she couldn't wait to get it on. Mind you it's like 25 outside. To make it even better, Grant was headed ouside to play in the mounds of snow we got, I had to get a pic of them together!
Claire's mishap
Let's explain why Claire looks so freaky!! O.K. so we were having a fun family night together a few Sundays ago. We were tossing the kids up in the blanket and instead of Claire landing back in the blanket she landed on her head on the floor. We took her to the ER and a few hours later found out she had a hair-line fracture on her skull right above her eye and this is what she looked like the next day. We made sure to tell Grant not to say anything to her about her eye, as to not make her too upset. He said o.k. so a little while later he thought I was out of earshot and he said your eye is so gross, I can't stand to look at it anymore. Then he walked away!! She is our cute Claire now and has healed great!!!.
BeckList
True Love
We celebrated 8 great years on February 17th, 2008! To many more!
Big Rig Brig
Dimple Doodle Dandy!
"Sun on Moss" By Audrey Beck circa 2008
Cool place in Cuyahoga Valley
You are my sunshine!
This is what happens when you try to give a man a fun birthday present. It turns into a prop!
Hog Wild
Grant and Brig...In our dirt pile full of mud! They loved it!
Goo!
Brig has a Goose fetish. He calls them Goo's and loves seeing them!!
Cuyahoga Valley National Park
At the Ledges
Brig at the Case Farm
White Earth Nation
Cam in Minnesota on the White Earth Reservation.
Fries with that?
Zorbaz Fiesta Platter in Detroit Lakes MN, need we say more?
New Zealand
We got a scavenger hunt map from granny and grandpa and had fun finding different places on the map they collected their shells and rocks from.
Grant
Grant takes after his dad in so many ways.....
Fence
This is a fence in a really cool place in Ohio called Cuyahoga Valley National Park. We really like to visit there, and I have a weird addiction to taking pics of fences!
Blast From the Past
Cam Grant and Claire in the kitchen making cookies!
Our Awesome House
I love our house so much, and will miss it a ton when we leave Cleveland
Bubble Girl
Claire and Brig at the park
camping in the backyard
Tyler, Grant and Claire are roasting marshmallows over thier fire
Claire and Mom
My Magnolia Tree
One of the things I will really miss about Cleveland and our great house is the Mangolia tree outside one of our front room windows. It is a huge beautiful tree with delicate blossoms that only last a short time. I love it!
Going Camping
Claire and her friend Halle today decided they were going to go "camping" like their brothers Grant and Tyler. I wonder who will last in the wilderness the longest. Grant and Tyler with a backpack full of food, bandaids, matches ect. or Claire and Halle with a backpack full of fluffy shoes and stuffed animals!
The Chair
Here is a pic of the chairs that I have,sorry I can't figure out how to rotate it on the blog!
As if Brig wasn't big enough...
Brig decided to see how the bike pump tasted. Grant went over and gave him some air! Brig would laugh and laugh-he really had a good time.
Easter Dinner
This is Your Brain on Tube
Claire was watching a show the other day and had put her shirt over her head and we thought it was pretty funny! TV may not be as safe as we previously thought.
Hi!
Brig discovering the phone. He loves to say hi and play on the phone any chance he gets. In this picture he is saying hi to Nan and Grandpa.
Easter Morning
Claire was really excited to find the goodies left by the Easter bunny and started devouring the contents of the eggs she found.
St. Patrick's Day
Here are the kids in their green with our neighbors Spence and Matthew
Food Man
Brig could eat all day if we let him. He really loves food, maybe we need to stop feeding him so his belly won't be so big so he can walk!! He knows when the fridge is open and makes a crawl for it as fast as he can. He will reach for our candy cupboard too. The little stinker!
Dentists in training
This past wash day the kids and I were sorting out all the dirty clothes in Brig's room (man were there a lot of them) Anyway, I had gone downstaris to put a load of wash in and when I started to come back up I could hear Grant and Claire laughing. I stood on the steps to listen for a minute but couldn't figure out what they were doing. I went up and they were dressed up in Cam's scrubs! They were having a ball being dental students together so I had to get a pic!
12 comments:
Way to make me feel guilty (ha ha!). I sent my kids back to bed many times tonight - simply so I could watch A.I. in peace. :) We all just do the best we can...and some days, our best is better than other days.
I feel like this all the time! Especially lately--and usually with Madison. Thanks for sharing. Claire (and Grant and Brig) are so lucky to have you.
Auds you are such a great example! Don't be too hard on yourself, it's just hard on kiddos when dad is gone. And it's hardest on mom who is trying to do everything while he's away! :) Your kids are so lucky to have a mom like you! :) Oh, it used to help my little ones to understand when daddy was going to come home for me to tell them he would be home in "three sleeps" or whatever. For some reason, that made sense to them. :)
Audrey, I know Claire knew you were cuddled up with her and there's no doubt it did her soul good... you followed that instinct and look where it took you... you are awesome.
I recorded A.I. tonight so I can watch it whenever... or in sessions I guess since it's tough to get in a whole TV show at once. What will I do when Crosby gets older?!
Audrey,
I have seen you in action with your children and there is not a more dedicated, loving and attentive mom around. Be kind to yourself; this 2 weeks with Cam gone has been very demanding on you. Focus on all of the good things you do. The fact that you thought so tenderly about Claire is evidence of your love for her. Hang in there! xoxo Kim
Oh. That is so cut of Claire, and what other awful things could you imagine about yourself? Give it a break. You are a fabilous mother, and I know this is not all that you were looking for, but I guess to side with you, sometimes we need a wake up call, and yours just happened to come harder then it really needed to.
Every mother can not be great ALL the time. There are days, moments, hours where things are not great. In the big picture, Claire is great and lOVES to be independent. I assume that with Cam gone, she is worried that you'll leave to. Not that you have been neglecting her, she is just little, and unable to realize.
Your doing great, and I'm determined to have a messier house then you, and I"m pretty sure that I'm winning!!!!! (Sorry, more from laziness then attention to lulu)
You are a fab-u-lose! mother, give yourself a break!
Love us!
Woah... Auds, this was a neat little entry--if a bit sad. I like the idea of being the mom, not the maid. You are a super trooper! I think you hold that family together very well. Being the middle kid IS tough--only you and I would know!!! :) This is a neat realization, but don't beat yourself up over it.
I'm proud of you out there!
I'm sure we all feel like this sometimes. It is hard to be a good mom! Cam will be home tomorrow and that will make a big difference. By the way, my mother in law said to me once when she was visiting, "Kyla, you don't have the cleanest house, but I know it is because you will stop what you are doing and read to or play with the kids." Ha, Ha. :-) It is true though, I'm not the cleaning service!
Well, I picked this date to say hello since it "was" my Birthday, 51, eeecckk! We are old! they say you are only as young as you feel! I read most of your stories....you are NOT a bad Mom! You do what needs to be done. But, it is the little things that matter most to kids, who are sweet & simple! Most don't need computer games & lots of entertainment, but a hug & snuggle & a short visit! We all get too caught up in electronics. Books are the next key in my opinion & just stupid, little, fun stuff! I also KNOW the Cuyahoga area WELL!!! Been there, hiked ALL over it in the WINTER, across the river in the winter (nearly died), walked for miles & miles along the railroad tracks in the winter, etc., etc. It is beautiful! My OLD boyfriend, Chris' Mother lives close to it. she lives in Brecksville, OH. She is a neat lady! A couple of winters I went there with Chris & we did a lot of MAJOR adventuring, Chris was a MAJOR adventurer.......we nearly lost our lives several times doing "outside adventures" in OH, CO, UT, etc., etc. I have to say it was FUN, but we could have dies more than a few times in various situations! Makes life interesting! LOVED it!!!! Glad I was young then! Now, we are painting our 8' fence, bought some cool palm trees by the pool & prefer to sit & read a book! OLD!!! LAZY!!! Love it!!! Glad Cam has returned from MN. I know it was tough on you all, but short! Love you all, can't wait to see you ALL mid-July! We'll be on vacation in West Palm Beach, FL for our 9th Wedding Anniv 5/22 - 6/1. The best part is that it is ALL FREE!!!! With all of the travel Mark does, it is FREE (of course he really has earned it)! Happy Late Birthday to Cam! XXX00000 Mark & Rosy Duncan
Audrey, i totally understand what you are feeling. I feel this way a lot and i am glad you shared this b/c now i don't feel like i am the only one that has felt exactly like you just explained. Thanks for sharing...and by the way, you are awesome!! :)
Cameron, this is Michael Whittaker
It appears that we both know people, who know eeach other....I was surfing blogs when I found yours. If you go to the Latham's they have a link to a girl named Mindy, who I went out with years ago (probably the same time I worked with your wife at PCMC) Oh, those were the days. They were almost as good as the days with Mark Nielson..... Anyway, it's good to know you are still alive. talk to you later....
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